SimDragon's Journal

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I've just updated Ariana's website with a month's worth of photos... it helps to have more recent photos up, as she certainly has grown a lot! It's hard to believe she will be 2 months old in a couple of days!

I've finally made a start on my Sound Therapy website, which I have been planning for absolutely ages. Stage 1 is actually getting the site operational; stage 2 will be translating the entire thing into spanish (a job for Marcos!!) and offering the choice of the 2 languages on the site. It will take ages to do, but I hope to get the initial site up in the next month or so. It took me ages to come up with a design I was happy with - I redesigned it on paper 4 times before I finally started building it, and I am really, really happy with how it is looking now.

I have been feeling a little better in general lately, mostly as I haven't seen that much of mum. I caught the 2nd half of Oprah today, and the episode was quite timely - it was about girls with very low self esteem, as a result of their mothers inadvertantly passing on the message to them that they weren't worthy. It reinforced to me that I don't want mum spending too much time with Ariana and hurting her with what she says the way she has done to me; already at 3 weeks mum was telling Ariana how fat she was - not in a pleasant "how cute your chubby cheeks are!" but a nastier "stop feeding her so much, she's so fat". I really hope I don't give Ariana any complexes about how she looks as she grows up. I think she is absolutely beautiful, and I hope she believes that about herself when she is older too.

I will be seeing a Women's Health counsellor on Monday. It will be interesting to see where that goes. They offer group counselling as one-on-one counselling. I guess the group work is to give you a support network, knowing that others are going through what you are feeling. I don't know if I would be so comfortable with that, as I think my issues are more about my mother and how she has reacted to Ariana than more generalised things. Sure I also feel down about the "usual" things - my post-pregnancy body (I just want clothes that fit!!), our financial situation now that I am no longer receiving a regular income, the severe lack of sleep, and just not getting anything done at home, or anywhere else, as looking after a baby takes up so much time it's incredible... I think I'm coping with the rest of those things ok though.

I've been getting out and about a little more, mainly taking Ariana out in her pram to the shops on a daily basis. It's a win-win situation: I'm getting some much needed exercise by walking to the shops rather than driving, and Ariana loves going for walks in the pram, and it settles her really well (as long as the pram keeps moving!). I should try to gradually build it up (heat permitting) and take her for walks along the river.

Ariana now sleeps through the night most nights - yay!! She generally sleeps from about 11 pm to 6 am. In theory that should allow me to also get a solid 7 hours sleep, but I am finding it difficult to get to sleep before about 2 am... *sigh* Oh well. I am getting about a solid 4 hours sleep, which these days is quite good! I have a daytime nap about every 2nd day - I cuddle up with Ariana, and we both sleep really well for 2 - 4 hours (depending on whether it's morning or afternoon, and whether we are disturbed by the phone ringing!). It's already after 1 am now, so I might try to get some sleep... well, I will read a little first to relax my brain, and then get some sleep... ;)