SimDragon's Journal

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ariana is now 7 weeks old today. This is a reasonably busy week with all her 6 week check ups. We went to the child health nurse yesterday, and she was satisfied that Ariana is doing really well. She's now 55 cm long (12 cm longer than she was at birth) and weighs a hefty 4.385 kg (she started at just 2.955 kg).

The nurse also confirmed that I have post natal depression. No surprise there - hardly a day goes by when I don't cry, and at times I just want to lie on the bed and do absolutely nothing, which is quite against my innate drive to get a lot done and cross things off my "to-do" list. It is a little easier being home and not seeing people quite so much, but my mother is still causing me a lot of heartache, being her usual petulant self about trying to get her way - again - about how our wedding will go. The nurse is going to refer me to someone for help with the depression. I reckon if I could just stay home without outside interference for a couple of months I could probably get over it without too much trouble... the sleep deprivation isn't so much of a problem as the constant conflicting and sometimes aggressive opinions from other people who have had children. I dress Ariana too hot, I dress her too cold, I feed her too much (just look at how fat she is!), she needs to be fed more as she is obviously hungry, I ought to breastfeed her more and try to cut back how much she is bottlefed, I should give up on breastfeeding and just bottlefeed her... don't worry, I'll get the hang of it someday. Argh!!

Ariana and I had our first outing alone today, as Marcos was at work. We went around to the shops, then called into work so I could drop off some timesheets, then finally went to our first New Parents Group workshop. Trying to get around with a pram on my own was quite an eye opening experience, trying to lean over and push open doors while trying to get the pram through without any help was quite difficult (I feel really sorry for people in wheelchairs!! Things really aren't that accessible at all), and we were out when Ariana was ready for a sleep, so she was really unsettled and cried quite a lot... including through most of the 2 hour workshop... Returning home wasn't much better as someone came over within about 10 minutes of me getting home. Ariana didn't really settle until they left, and even then she only slept for about half an hour before waking and needing attention again.

Actually, the other thing I am really struggling with is the inability to really get anything else done apart from looking after Ariana and trying to keep on top of the dishes! If I create a daily "to-do" list, it takes a good 2 weeks to get through everything. There are so many things I would like to catch up with - I'm finding it impossible to keep up with my email, and I have a stack of stuff I want to try to sell on ebay, but I just can't find the time to sit down and create entries for them. I was somewhat prepared for this, having looked after Tameka for a couple of hours at a time and finding out just how much constant attention a baby needs. I thought I could catch up with things when Ariana sleeps, but she rarely sleeps more than an hour or so at a time. She is sleeping better at night now - she's had 2 nights where she has slept from midnight through to about 6 am. On a few occasions I have just stayed up at night using the time she is sleeping to get some things done... the down side to that is that I don't get any sleep. I did that last night - I worked solidly from about 10:30pm through to 3:30 am... it was a bit of a shock to the system then getting up at 7:30am...