SimDragon's Journal

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I'm not coping with life at the moment.

This past week has been exceedingly busy, in all areas of my life, and I'm getting behind with everything.

I feel like everything is out of control. And while I remain living with my parents, I feel like life is in stasis, especially since we have no idea when Marcos will be able to move here, so we can't make any long term plans at all.

I'm despairing of being able to find anywhere to rent right now. With the demand ridiculously high, most real estate agents are opening properties once and once only in a 10 or 15 minute window during a working day... which makes it practically impossible for me to get out to any of the showings, as I can't afford to take 2 or so hours off from work to drive out to the outer suburbs and drive back again.

I just want to get settled into my own place, and be able to organise my belongings (and hopefully get rid of a number of the things I have in storage), be able to live the way I like to live (which is not in a display home!), and start getting ready for the baby.

I'm very frustrated with Rotaract, particularly the lack of action by the RI Rotaract Committee. I fear I am putting a LOT of time and energy into something that is going to be a waste of time... the same feeling goes for my club. I am the only one who does anything about recruitment and retainment (and when I'm not doing that, membership slides backwards), and I am really starting to wonder if it is all worth it... whether I should just let it go, and let the club struggle on until it does inevitably fold. Right now I'm back to feeling that I will not join Rotary in the future... the bureaucracy is just too great, and seeing what Dad has put with for the past 20 years, I don't think it is likely to change anytime soon. So I think I will instead end up concentrating my energies in the areas I now feel passionate about: environmentally-friendly, sustainable living.

I wish Marcos were here. We've been apart for 2 months now, and it is getting very hard to get through the day alone.

To top things off, most of this morning, and part of this afternoon, was spent arguing with my mother, trying to make her see that I just cannot live with her perfectionism and her insistence on pushing what she wants onto everyone. She just cannot see anyone's point of view, so I often don't bother communicating how I feel to her, because we just end up with the situation we had today - everyone getting very upset, but with nothing changing. Right now I just can't stop crying... I am so depressed, so overwhelmed by everything...