Monday, November 28, 2005
I'm really struggling with being here at the moment. Mum is really doing her best to make my feel guilty for not visiting Amber daily like she does (I have visited her once, and called her at least every 2nd day). Mum is pressuring me about a number of things... losing weight, sorting things at home... but the more she hassles me, the more depressed I get, and the harder it is for me to do any of those things. It's a vicious cycle made worse for being at home... but I haven't been home much, so things there are mounting up, which makes me more stressed... it's quite a merry-go-round! :S I can't wait to escape from it all!
With all that going on, I'm not sleeping well. I'm actually not too tired today, considering that I got about 3 hours sleep last night! I was still wide awake at 2am, and woke up sometime after 5am, as I was wide awake when I checked my watch at 5:50am.
It doesn't help that mum is incredibly stressed because of Amber. It's times like these I really regret having moved back home. But with going away soon, there really isn't any point in trying to get my own place. I think soon after I return home, I will need to start thinking seriously about where my next move is going to be. While it is wonderful spending less by living with my parents, mum is driving me utterly nuts. I really don't know how dad manages it!
I can't get this off my mind. It's not so bad if I am home, alone, getting things done. At least then I feel like I'm getting somewhere. :)
16 days to go...